It’s been a while since I’ve written on my blog. I have a whole plan for each month of the year of things that I’d like to write about, broken down into the corresponding season. What can I say, I like to plan! Yet, here I am, breaking away from my plan and writing what my soul needs to say. Taking a deep breath, here we go…
I’ve found it hard to write. I can admit that much. I’ve always loved to be creative in my writing, but something has been blocking me. The words weren’t flowing and inspiration wasn’t striking- somewhere along the journey of creating Lunar Cove, I’d lost my muse. When inspiration did find me, the words I wrote didn’t feel like mine. I had a big feeling of imposter syndrome, and wasn’t sure how to break out of it. I couldn’t accept the compliments and questioned if people were just being polite for the sake of being polite, rather than genuinely loving what I’d written. I knew there was something to explore here, so when the opportunity came- I took it.
The Selkie weaved into my life October 2020. Through the months that turned into years, she refused to budge. She overtook my love of mermaids, and I read all I could around the myth of the selkie. As such, I’ve worked a lot recently with the Selkie myth. Reclaiming my soul skin, my creativity. I’ve found that, deep below the surface, there’s a fear- a fear of being seen, of being heard – of being authentic in my truth and of being judged for it.
For a long time, I held onto the persona of the good girl. She was me and I was her. Afraid to rock the boat, afraid to let the wildness back in. Who knows what chaos resides in those shadows? Best leave it in the shadows and smooth over the cracks and frayed edges. Shine a light in the opposite direction; let the accomplishments shine and push back everything and anything not conforming to the good girl. Edit my voice and therefore my truth. That’s what I was supposed to do, right? Only, over time, the shadows called. Maybe it’s the Scorpio in me; but I found something exciting in the line between light and dark. Things that I was told I ‘would grow out of’ still called to me, softly. In that wild place, the chaos seems beautiful and truthful. I wanted to rock the boat, I wanted the wildness. I’ve discovered that there’s treasure; hidden in the shadows, or below the surface. It’s my treasure; my truth- and only I can retrieve it.
So here I am. In my chaos, my wild, my truth, my soul skin slipping on like a familiar comfort blanket. This journey is never ending, and constantly takes me beneath the waves, into the shadows and darkness. Each step pushes against my comfort zone, but honestly? It’s a rush of pleasure to step beyond it and find my treasure. It’s just the step that’s scary. Stepping out into the unknown, beneath the waves with the selkie as my guide- I’m finding my muse again. With it, returns my creativity.